Coachella summary

So, this is a quick summary of what I saw and what I thought about it. We are currently in Santa Barbara, staying at Max's ridiculously nice house. Saturday, it's Vegas. After that, possibly a roadtrip to Mexico. Here is the coachella summary for you, in order of how good it was. Starting with the worst.

#23 Architecture in Helsinki: It was gay, very very gay. Not as in happy. The other gay.

#22 Justice: I couldn't get out after Chromeo, I almost got trampled to death after losing my shoe. This hype needs to pass, I saw people doing the hustle, the YMCA and the thriller dance, to the sound of "Waters of Nazareth". How they got to this point, I will never know. Busy P is PR-Jesus and deserves more credit.

#21 Jack Johnson: It's cheesier than Mickey D's, Pizza hut and BK's combined. It was way to big of a stage for a guy who wouldn't even hurt a fly. Because of the fact that he could never catch it by himself.

#20 Aphex twin: We saw one song and we didn't like it so we left. We're very hard to please. I just wanted to see the man who supposedly owns the weird metal-box at Elephant & Castle. Ghazal will know what I'm talking about. The rest of you could have tuned out for this segment, sorry.

#19 Fatboy slim: He's old. Really old. And after his awesome opening with "Praise you", the place turned into Ibiza. By that, I mean drunk, ugly brits with a hunger for more beer and sex with anything that moves. Like Eddie would have put it: "They come over to my house and the fish stop swimming."

#18 Gogo Bordello: Mexican old guys jumping around on stage, trying to strangle their own dancers. Linus really enjoyed it, I'm not really sure. There was definitely energy, which covers up for the fact that they all probably spawned in a shady brothel somewhere.

#17 Dj Mehdi: Definitely one of the most charismatic DJ's. He's like a child, playing with CD's. That being said, his set was way too long and he didn't play enough hip-hop.

#16 The Verve: I haven't really listened to them, that's probably why they're not higher up. The singer is Chris Martin's identical twin, it's eerie. Good show.

#15 Sebastian: I'm really sick of his stuff, but his version of "Killing in the name of" saved it all. He's almost as lame as Kavinsky, but not really. Also, he looks like he just came from a funeral. Possibly his own.

#14 Spank Rock: Spank rock was sick, so it was just Amanda Blank, Mapei and some other girl. If that would have been on the schedule, it would have been fun but now it just sucked. It was like inviting Tom Selleck to your birthday party, and then Burt Reynolds shows up. It's still great, but it is no Tom Selleck. It is no Tom Selleck.

#13 Portishead: I hadn't slept for 48 hours and there was a strobe right next to me. I thought I was going to have a fucking seizure. That aside, what I saw was pretty good. Pretentious, but definitely pretty good.

#12 Linton Kwesi Johnson: Even though I can't take poets seriously, he was actually kind of funny. Also, the fact that I stood next to Chloe Sevigny made the whole experience a lot more pleasurable.

#11 Chromeo: Everyone who came to see Chromeo, actually came to get good spots for Justice. It was a real shame. The sound was shitty and when Chromeo play live, its' like there is only...Chromeo. There is just not enough energy to make a good show. I just love their songs enough, the rest doesn't really matter.

#10 Cut copy: The guys in CC really look like boys who are in a band. I can't really take that seriously but hey, they put on a pretty good show. I fell asleep, though. Robin 1 - Cut Copy 0. Or the inverse.

#9 Busy P: Anyone who starts a DJ-set with "Video killed the radiostar" is great in my book.

#8 Simian mobile disco: I love their music and I was actually suprised. The pace was a lot higher than expected and even though you can tell from a mile away that they are not performers, they did a good job of pumping up the crowd. If they had played "I Believe", they'd have been higher.

#7 Santogold: We got there way too late, I'm really glad she's coming to Sonar in Barcelona. What we saw was great, it was like a "heavier" version of M.I.A. Also, her backup-dancers were incredibly hot. Like Claire Danes in "Igby Goes Down". Sorry, I had to squeeze that in.

#6 A-Trak(disregarding Kid-Sister): That guy is so fucking clutch, it's ridiculous. I don't want to talk about it.

#5 I'm from Barcelona: I don't listen to that type of music. Ever. It was a lot of fun, though. That's about as much as I could say about them. They're like if the Carebears decided to become a Manu Chao cover band.

#4 Diplo: Definitely the best of the sets that we saw. I feel like Diplo is kind of like a Salvador Dali-version in music. It's weird and provocative, but somehow, it just works. That was a terrible comparison, feel free to throw rocks at me if we ever cross paths. Anyways, it was a good show.

#3 Sean Penn: This was, undoubtedly, the most hilarious "concert" ever. It was a half-hour appearance by Sean Penn where he said that George W Bush is a cock-sucker and that he wanted everyone to get on a bus with him to New Orleans to help the poor. The whole thing was very admirable but I couldn't stop thinking: Does Sean Penn know how fucking far it is from Indio, CA to New Orleans, LA? Next year we have Susan Sarandon, telling everyone to go to the moon with her, in a canoe.

#2 Modeselektor: Germans do it best. Basically, what god did in 7 days, Germans do in 45 minutes. Just give them a computer. The atmosphere wasn't very good though. Probably because Americans know European electronic music about as well as they know geography.

#1. MGMT, Boys Noize, Hot Chip, M.I.A, Yo Majesty, Kraftwerk, Kavinsky & Bonde do Role. Basically, all of the concerts that I didn't get to see because I was stuck in the fucking desert. At the most awesome party ever, but still.

Yes/No

Yes: Sebastian's version of Killing in the name of.

No: Kavinsky's sex appeal is less cool than living in Tjernobyl. He seems like a douche.

Yes: In between Chromeo and Justice, when the whole crowd sang "Sweet Caroline". And by "the whole crowd", I mean the whole crowd.

No: The fact that you couldn't bring alcohol onto the camping grounds or the festival area made me want to eat my own head.

Yes: Santogold's dancers.

No: Simian Mobile Disco not playing "I believe".

Yes: Every single DJ played "&Down" by Boys Noize.

No: When Boys Noize played "&Down", people were probably sick of it. Poor guy.

// R

p.s I'd like to give a little shout-out to all guys who go to concerts without a shirt on. You can go fuck yourselves. Right in the ear.