Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Stop fucking discriminating.

I hate when people discriminate. I wouldn't say I suffered too much from it when I was a kid, since my friends always stuck up for me, but it always bothered me. Some people never seem to be able to get rid of that discrimination. They have been persecuted, spat on, disrespected and humiliated from the very beginning. This social injustice makes it so much harder for them to get jobs, friends and spouses. And none of them deserve it either. It really fucking pisses me off, in fact. I have to take a stand, I have to say something. In a time where a black president gets elected as a statement against discrimination, I would like to invite you to do something to help these people as well. Most of you should already know what people I'm talking about. People who play miniature-golf.

The history of miniature golf is relatively uncomplicated. It was supposed to be golf for women. This fact alone testifies to the fact that the sport was against discrimination of women. Naturally, they couldn't play regular golf, since that requires a penis complex. And so, miniature golf was born, and it's refined playfulness worked wonders as a cute little degrading compromise to the real sport. From the very beginning, the elders agreed on the fact that the sport had to be very diverse. Hence, according to wikipedia, the term "miniature golf" can also be switched for: mini-golf, midget golf, goofy golf, shorties, extreme golf, crazy golf, adventure golf, mini-putt and so on. My favourite is midget-golf, since midgets are clearly awesome.

Apparently, the Swedish Minigolf Federation (Svenska Bangolfförbundet) was founded in 1937, being the oldest minigolf sport organization in the world. This was not an accomplishment in oh so many ways. They formed this union in post-war times, when I imagine the interest in playing miniature golf as being rather low. Also, they apparently managed to convince someone that miniature golf is actually a sport.

If you think about it, miniature golf is pretty much the unrecognized essence of awesomeness. It's not demanding in any way, the props are cute, anyone can do it, and let's face it, you look cool doing it. Especially if you're one of those guys who squats down to see which angles are the best and which is the best way to go about eliminating all male pride by using that fiendishly small stick to get a pink rubber ball into the little bunny's mouth at the other end of the court. This got me thinking, how would one take this to the next level? How do we make miniature-golf even cooler? I took the liberty of compiling a small check-list that you can follow if you're looking to fornicate some 16 year old that you met at "Pepe's Puttputt Party":

-Wear a leather jacket while playing miniature golf. In between shots, take it off and casually hang it over one of your shoulders. This will remind people of Johnny Depp in the movie "Cry baby". Except that everyone knows that he probably couldn't even play miniature golf.

-Every time you miss a shot, casually blame the court. Please refer from using swear words, though. There are probably children present.

-Even though we all know you have multiple clubs, don't bring them all. Just don't.

-Listen to cool music while playing, maybe something like The Virgins. This proves that you hang out with people who take music way too seriously, and also that you can multi-task.

-Don't wear a t-shirt that has your World of Warcraft character on it.

-After a successful shot, always say "well, would you look at that" in a casual way. However, people still have to know that everything you do is intentional, thus the outcome is always expected. Saying "Hole 12, 2 shots aaaas usual" also helps this.

-Go up to complete strangers, stand right behind them as they're putting, and gently whisper into their ear: "I could tell from a mile away that you have a refined, yet not optimal technique for your body type. Let me help you." You should refrain from referring to the padawan/jedi relationship in this situation.

-Leave the fannypack at home. I know, American Apparel made them cool again. But that only works if you disregard the fact that they didn't.

-Nevertheless, fashion statements are underestimated. Beige corduroy pants are the new black corduroy pants. Never stop wearing them. Which I know you don't.

Finally, this is another fact that should further inflate your interest in this sublime activity. The most prestigious MOS minigolf competitions in the world are US Masters, US Open, British Open, Irish Open, and World Crazy Golf Championships. The latter being a highly formal and prestigious event.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I simply want everyone to get along. It's an ambition we all have to take part in. We were all born equal, and should be treated accordingly. Regardless of your skin color, education, political views, religion, or inexplicably ridiculous hobbies.

2 comments:

Ruthie Camden said...

hahaha du är störd, när fan tar du dig tid till nåt sånt här?

robmonZter said...

när jag borde umgås med mina vänner, tror jag