"A quick course in photography" by Ghazmerize Amin

As we all know, photography is art. This is not the case here. I asked renowned portrait photographer Ghazal Amin-Madagascar to do a quick portrait of me and to give me a few easy steps on how do best take some one's picture. Not only did she do a wonderful job, she also cooked for me. Or at least Nathaniel bought takeout. SO, without further delay, here is the "quick course in photography" by Ghazal Amin-Montana

Step 1: "Subject".
First of all, it is very important to only take pictures of people who are not ugly. After all, you're a photographer, not a magician. If you could create gold from cat shit, you'd have a nicer apartment.

Step 2: "Variation"
It is very important that your photos are ground breaking. That you do something that's never been done before. Like if you were to donate money to charity and that money would actually reach someone who is poor. One good way is to use barriers, like a plant. Because that has never been done by anyone. Ever.

Step 3: "Start early"
Because most citizens of the world are not talented, it is crucial that you have alot of time. Ask your subject to come in around 6.00 AM. That way, the subject thinks that you have something special planned. And when he notices that you don't, he will get angry and therefore more relaxed. Totally makes sense.

Step 5: "Don't be an idiot"
Use auto-focus.

Step 6: "Eating disorder"
Remember that many people have eating disorders and have actually forgotten how to chew their food. If that is the case, don't take the picture when the are desperately trying to control their saliva.

Step 7: "Afternoon Delight"
Sometimes, the day can get very long. If the subject starts to get fatigued, just tell him to go fuck himself.

Step 8: "Post-Afternoon Delight"
If your subject is already tired and you just told him to go fuck himself, don't start aiming the camera at shit that nobody cares about.

Final step: "Closing time"
Since the pictures didn't turn out very well and you spent all of your money on takeout, many photographers simply choose to electrocute their subject and then eat them for dinner.

I hope that this guide was helpful since the process of getting my picture taken was absolutely horrifying. If you have any questions, please keep them to yourself.