you fucking cow.

My friend told me something the other day, and I feel that I should probably tell you guys about it. He went to South America for a couple of months and supposedly, it is totally okay and fairly common to have sex with farm animals there. Not only that, it is said to be customary for boys to have their sexual debut with a farm animal. He heard this from several sources, non-related to each other. To me, that means either it's true, or they just have a "let's make ourselves seem like humongous idiots to the rest of the world" kind of pact. He even said one guy told him he had sex with a chicken, a procedure that subsequently killed the chicken. The fact that he told a relative stranger that, not only erases my doubts that he actually did it, but also that it is considered totally normal.

It's amazing to me how the cultural differences can be that vast. I just can't seem to grasp how the motto of a human being could be: "If I'm going to eat it, I might as well have sex with it first". That being said, Hannibal Lecter is more famous than I am, maybe I shouldn't judge. Somehow, I just can't help looking down on it, though. If we were talking about sex with an animal that has street-cred(like a tiger, or a killer-whale, or something), I would probably be more okay with it. Anyone who manages to lure a killer-whale out, trap it and then fuck it, deserves nothing less than his own TV-show.

So why did this phenomenon appear? Well, it can probably get lonely up in the mountains/in the jungle and who really cares about if your sex-partner has two or four legs? If you think about it, there are many perks to this idea, at least for many guys. There are no dates required, no strings attached, and if your partner gives you a "is that all you got"-look afterwards, you can just tip her over and leave. I really feel like cows got a shitty break in this world. I mean, you wouldn't try to fuck a horse. Not only because your offspring would come out looking like Penelope Cruz, a horse would kick the shit out of you. Cows can't do anything about the situation. Since their level of antagonism pretty much only goes as far as chewing their food three times, instead of the regular four, I'd say all you have to do to fuck a cow, is know which part is the front and which part is the back. Illiterate or not, those are some pretty basic anatomy-skills.

I'm also still trying to decide whether I feel sorry for the animals or not. On the one hand, I don't think little Jose 14 is going to invoke any serious pain compared to an 800-pound bull. On the other hand, I wouldn't want a mouse to fuck me in my sleep, regardless of how much bigger I am than him.

A lot of people would explain this by saying that human beings are only animals, driven by our sexual lust. Are you serious? We've been to the moon. Not fucking things that go "moo" afterwards, doesn't seem like an impossible task for us to handle.